Why New Years Resolutions Fail

Uncategorized Jan 02, 2020

New Years Resolutions, or any goal for that matter, fail for one basic reason.  Now this reason is basic in nature, in fact I can tell it to you in 3 words, I can explain it to you in a few paragraphs.  However, don’t let the simplicity make you feel bad for having fallen victim to it in the past.  In fact, according to US News & World Report, 80% of New Years Resolutions fail! 


So should you skip them this year? Nope...set those resolutions baby, just learn why they’ve failed before and then use my tips to not fall victim again.


The reason New Years Resolutions fail is......

Fear overpowers Desire.


What does that mean?  You have two main forces influencing your life: your intuition and your ego.  They are meant to work in balance with each other.  Think of your life as a cup.  Your intuition’s job is to pour in to the cup with experiences and feelings and adventure.  It’s the living part of life.  The more you fill your cup, the more you have to pour in to other people’s cups. 

Your ego’s job is to protect the cup.  Keep the cup safe so that it can continue to be filled up and poured out. 


Now we live in a culture that celebrates ego and disempowers intuition.  This creates a huge imbalance, causing most people to live their life ruled by ego....meaning they are spending most of their energy protecting a pretty empty cup.


Ego’s main force is fear.  Intuition’s main force is love and desire. So what does this all have to do with New Years Resolutions?  How do these two forces play a part? 


It’s all in the imbalance.  Both fear (ego) and desire (intuition) are present in everything that you do.  If fear has too much power....you are stuck. You feel lack and scarcity and it’s hard to move forward.  Most people don’t understand how to use these two forces and so when it comes to setting a goal or creating a resolution, they get trapped in the fear department.  Giving their ego too much power because they misunderstand them and not giving their intuition enough fuel because they don’t know how.

When desire becomes stronger than your fear you’ll achieve your goal, you’ll meet that resolution and you’ll make that change.   


Take a look at resolution or goal you have.  When you think about it, are you thoughts more fear based or more desire based? 


For example, let’s say your goal is to make more money.  When you think about money, what comes up for you? Do you start stressing about not having enough, fearing that you won’t meet your goal, worrying you won’t be able to pay your bills, feeling badly that you can’t splurge on that vacation?  These are all fear based thoughts.  If they are what come up every time you think about your goal, you’re not going to be able to stay motivated and your desire will eventually succumb to your fear.


Now fear is important but it needs to managed. It will run rampant without some boundaries.  Take those fear based thoughts and write them down. Get familiar with them and trace them to the emotional pain your ego is trying to protect you from. 


Your ego is a storyteller. It looks through your past and remembers any time you felt unsafe and the emotional pain that accompanied that.  It then weaves that past pain in to a story it projects in to your future. So for example, if you remember your parents struggling with money when you were a kid and that struggle made you feel unsafe, your ego will recall those emotions and project them in to your financial future.   Understanding the root cause of the fear and what your ego is trying to protect you from feeling is the first step in keeping your fear in check. 


Your intuition sparks a desire.  If you want to turn that spark in to a flame and then keep that flame burning you need to learn how to tend to this fire.  My biggest tip on making this happen is to feed the fire with your desired emotions.  Take a look at your goal or resolution and ask yourself: Why do I want that? How will having that make me feel?  If you remind yourself the answer to those questions daily, your fire will keep burning strong.


Using our resolution to make more money again as an example; let’s say you answered the questions like this:

Why do I want that?
I want to make more money so I can feel more secure, less stressed and experience more things that bring me joy.

How will having that make me feel?
I will feel more secure, lighter and more joyful


Lastly, use the power of words.  How you speak to yourself, the language you choose is incredibly important.  A single word can send you in to a state of fear or a state of desire.  Let’s look at a different resolution example.


Let’s say your resolution is to lose weight.  If you ask yourself the two questions above and you answer in a very fear based way it might sound like this:

Why do I want that?

I’m sick of feeling fat every day and hating how I look when I see myself in the mirror.


How will having that make me feel?

Losing will weight will help me stop feeling so bad about myself and help me to feel more loved accepted by others.


Does reading that make you feel inspired, energized and ready to make changes?  No way. It feels negative, fearful and unkind. It makes me feel droopy just reading it.  Those words create an environment where fear rules. 


What if instead you wrote:

Why do I want that?

I want to give my body what it needs to operate optimally so I can show up as the best possible version of myself.


How will having that make me feel?

I’ll feel like I have more to give others, energized, inspired and happier.


See the different environment those words create?  Those words cultivate desire.  Fear stands little chance around words like that.


Listen, change is hard. Be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and space to make mistakes.  Creating a new routine or habit takes a lot of mental energy for the first 21 days you do it, then it becomes much easier.  Do things that feed your desires and honor your fears but create healthy boundaries for them. 


Cheers to goals, dreams, resolutions and feeding that fire of desire.


Love & Intuition,


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